Images

Don’t Panic! towels and more

Prints and Products

 

product photo of a beach towel with an image of space and the words DON'T PANIC in large, friendly letters

The towel I’ve always wanted

Do you know where your towel is?

I’m delighted by the latest products added to the society6 line of home goods:  towels!  Not that I’m normally the sort of person who has their life well enough together to be excited about towels– this is a special case.

It’s a special case because that one of my favorite (and by far the best-selling) designs, one inspired by and a tribute to The Hitch-Hiker’s Guide to the Galaxy…is now available in towel form.

Why is that important?  I’ll let the man himself explain:

…a towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a strag (strag: non-hitch hiker) discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, face flannel, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. Furthermore, the strag will then happily lend the hitch hiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitch hiker might accidentally have “lost.” What the strag will think is that any man who can hitch the length and breadth of the galaxy, rough it, slum it, struggle against terrible odds, win through, and still knows where his towel is, is clearly a man to be reckoned with.

Hence a phrase that has passed into hitchhiking slang, as in “Hey, you sass that hoopy Ford Prefect? There’s a frood who really knows where his towel is.”

-Douglas Adams, The Hitch-Hikers Guide to the Galaxy

Click here to view or purchase DON’T PANIC! towels!

 

 

Bromiliad

 

Bromiliad. It's a pun.

Bromiliad. It’s a pun.

bromeliad_pink_by_sarajea

Bromiliad, in pink

It’s a pun, see?

  • Bromeliad (the kind of plant a pineapple is)
  • Bros (wearing popped collars, cargo shorts, and boat shoes)
  • The Iliad (the classic Greek epic, illustrated in one instance by an image of Achilles kneeling on a cushion and tending to Patroclus’s wounds)

Needlessly complicated and/or obscure?  Yes.

Delightful?  Also yes.

Click here to purchase.

Lipstick on a Pig

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

thrift_shop_hell_sexy_pig_by_sarajea

Lipstick on a Pig. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Because nothing says “sexy” like an anatomically incorrect pig wearing lipstick and a bikini.

Wooden Squirrel Bondage Family

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

thrift_shop_hell_bondage_squirrels_by_sarajea

Wooden Squirrel Bondage Family. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

This weird “momma animal chained to her babies” motif is something you see a lot at antique stores—usually with different breeds of dog, or (weirdly?) skunks.

They’re usually WAY out of my price range for this project (I actually buy all the awful things featured here, and I need to keep a pretty strict budget), so I’ve never been able to pick one up before.  Imagine my delight and horror when I saw this trio going for only a couple bucks!

This set is a little unconventional—I’ve never seen carved wooden ones before; they’re usually porcelain or something more fragile.  And the chains connecting the animals are usually closer in gauge to “fine jewelry” than the “clunky bondage chain” featured here.

And of course, this set features the hallmark of Thrift Shop Hell—plastic gemstone eyes.

All around, a great subject.

I Wuv You

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

thrift_shop_hell_wuv_by_sarajea

I Wuv You. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

I’m, like, 90% sure that this was meant to be a charming token of affection, and not a void-eyed, red-headed, demon horror movie Chucky clone praying for destruction.

…

…maybe 85% sure.

Need a gift for someone you hate?  Buy now!

Only Bach Can Judge Me

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

 

thrift_shop_hell_only_bach_judge_by_sarajea

Only Bach Can Judge Me. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Why?

Because nothing says “classy knickknack for the living room” like a miniature porcelain bust of a centuries-dead composer, gazing down from his perch on the mantelpiece with haunted, hateful eyes.

Vintage Staring Bobblehead Cat

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

thrift_shop_hell_bobblecat_by_sarajea

Vintage Staring Bobblehead Cat. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

There is so much to take in here.

The vacant, haunted, plastic gemstone eyes. The hand painted eyelashes. The arching, high-reaching eyebrows. The cracks—multiple cracks, some even carefully mended—in the skull and ears. The fact that the cat’s head—yes, it’s on a spring, and yes, it bobbles—is slightly misaligned and permanently cocked in a wary expression of skepticism. The mysterious black paint (intended? accidental? somewhere in between?) freckling its muzzle.

The poofy, brilliant red, faux-fur mohawk just tops it all off.

What an object. What a treasure. What a find.

Sexy Hitchhiking Bear Statue

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

Sexy Hitchhiking Bear Statue. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Sexy Hitchhiking Bear Statue. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Let’s take a look at this together.

It’s a bear statue, with

  • puckered lips (do bears have puckerable lips?)
  • generous make-up (red lipstick, gold eyeshadow)
  • and a thumb out (do bears have thumbs?) in an unmistakable “you goin’ my way?” gesture.

How can we describe that, as succinctly as possible?

“Sexy hitchhiking bear statue.”

Why does this exist?

Sexy hitchhiking bear statue.

That doesn’t sound like a real thing.   It sounds like some jumbled word-salad sidebar ad.

“Meet sexy hitchhiking bear statues in your area!”

“Make your bear statues sexier with this one weird trick!”

“Buy sexy-hitchhiking-bear-statues now at Alibaba.com!”

Sexy hitchhiking bear statue.  What a world.

Necrotic California Raisin Nightmare Fuel

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

Necrotic California Raisin Nightmare Fuel. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Necrotic California Raisin Nightmare Fuel. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

This is the single worst item I have ever had the misfortune to see or touch.

It’s foam, or used to be. It feels like a fifty-year-old, crumbling cupcake. It sheds tiny blood-colored foam specks on everything it touches. Its nose and cheeks have fallen off. FALLEN OFF. The chip of “tooth enamel” paint missing from its mouth make me cringe in jaw-grinding sympathetic agony every time I see it.

I hate it, I hate it, I hate it.

And now it’s in my HOUSE.

I hate this project. I hate photography. I hate thrift stores. I hate everything.

Wee Neon Carnival Prize Lion Cub

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

Wee Neon Carnival Prize Lion Cub. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Wee Neon Carnival Prize Lion Cub. Thrift Shop Hell, 2014.

Who’s a wee neon carnival prize lion cub? YOU are! Lookit your red little tongue, and your silly pink paws, and your floofy orange mane.

What a good wee neon carnival prize lion cub.

Bloodlust Bambi

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

Thrift Shop Hell: Bloodlust Bambi

Thrift Shop Hell: Bloodlust Bambi

The red-rimmed eyes and bloodstained lips catapult this little guy from “mildly cute Bambi knock-off” to “deeply problematic, flesh-eating demon deer.”

Need a gift for someone you hate?  Buy this image by clicking here!

Y2K Bug

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

Thrift Shop Hell: Y2K Bug

Thrift Shop Hell: Y2K Bug

I am baffled and delighted that someone kept this for fourteen years before donating it to a thrift store in case—just in case—someone else wanted it.

Someone else did want it.

That someone was me.

Bully Gangster

Part of my photo project Thrift Shop Hell, documenting weird and wonderful thrift store finds from the Upper Midwest.

thrift_shop_hell_bully_by_sarajea

Thrift Shop Hell: Bully Gangster

 

This is a plush bull terrier wearing green pinstripes, suspenders, and a bow tie. He is smoking a cigar. He is wearing a little felt fedora, rakishly tipped to one side.

It is the best damned thing I’ve ever seen.

#thriftshopheaven

Collect photos of adorable plush gangsters?  Add this one to your oddly specific collection by clicking here.